The overlooked pitfalls of hanami: part 2

Hanami, the tradition of having picnics and drinking under cherry trees while they are in bloom, is something you will be invited to with a 99% certainty if you are in Japan during the springtime. It’s an institution. Part 1 was just the tip of the iceberg, so I’d like to share some more things that people tend to forget about hanami.

Cherry blossoms are only in bloom for around 2 weeks, so before the petals fall everyone will be out taking pictures.Everything just look so different compared with the rest of the year, it’s almost the trees are made of pink popcorn. Feels like Candy Land really happened.

From the serious photography enthusiast to the run-of-the-mill smart phone instagramer will be snapping dozens of photos trying to get their own best shot. The sheer amount of photography going around you can be pretty distracting if you happen to be sitting directly under a tea that is in full bloom. Some random guy you don’t know will come by to take pictures of the totally innocuous tree you all happen to be sitting under. 5 minutes later a completely different person will stop by and take more photos. It won’t stop.

What are all these close up photos of the tree for exactly? I don’t want to sound completely jaded, but the flowers usually look exactly the same as the previous year. I went through my person photo collection, and this is more or less what my album looks like:

As for the picnic part of hanami, a casual get together means that each person will bring 3-4 drinks and a variety of snacks to last the afternoon. However, after the first or second beer you will probably realise that you don’t have the combination of “enough” or “the right” snacks. This problem is something that I call dunger, drunk hunger.

That feeling where you want to eat, but you don’t know what you want to eat, especially when you are drinking. The snacks you brought with you? No. That isn’t going to fill that pit in your stomach. No matter how well you think you prepared your food, you didn’t. You will need something… more.

Dunger in the park is dangerous. There are several food carts of questionable legitimacy set up in the area during this season, and you will 100% lose out to temptation. Usually you have the choice of doughy or noodle things that are cooked on a griddle like takoyaki or okonomiyaki, or meat things on a stick like jumbo franks and yakitori.

Normal dunger is something I can deal with, but this hanami dunger is its own animal. It digs at you, and you can’t ignore it. You eventually have to buy questionable food on a stick because it starts to look enchantingly delicious. You feel a bit self-conscious after buying it because no one can feel attractive eating greasy things on a stick while squatting in the middle of the park. However, it is best to embrace this feeling and empower yourself in this moment of triumph over dunger.

I will never not be doing this.

Hanami all takes place around the end of March or beginning of April, so while the afternoons are warm and pleasant, it still gets a bit chilly near the end of the day. This is especially true if you are just sitting around and drinking. You will start to feel pretty cold around 4pm.

“Why didn’t you plan ahead and bring a warmer jacket?” You will think to yourself, but it’s already too late. We all lie to ourselves and say that we’ll  be done by 3pm. But nah… You never leave before it starts to get dark out. Time flows differently during hanami. You get caught up talking with your friends or watching the group next to you get drunk and dance to reggae music blasting from an iPhone. Time just simply slips away from you.

This is me by 5pm.

Just bring an extra jacket or a blanket. Once hypothermia sets in you chances of survival decrease substantially.

I’m totally planning to do hanami this year. Don’t get me wrong- I love going outside and doing the whole rigmarole, but it seems that no one really gets ready for the hardships of hanami. This year will be different. This year I’m finally ready.

The overlooked pitfalls of hanami: part 1

It’s creeping up to that time of year where the cherry trees will bloom, replacing the grey undertones of winter with the soft, pink glow of spring. The blossoms only last a short time before the petals fall to the ground, so you have a very small window of time to enjoy the flowers.

Japanese people really look forward to Spring. It’s the time of the year with the best weather, so that coupled with the pink cherry trees means that everyone will head outside and have picnics in the park. This is called hanami. It can also be used as an excuse to drink outside in the afternoon, especially students and salarymen who seem to embrace that part of the spirit of hanami.  Some parks light up the trees at night, and you can keep on doing hanami even after the sun goes down.

Hanami is fun and all, but I think people have overly romanticized the whole thing. I’ve been thinking about my hanami experiences, and it seems that there are a few critical hanami problems that are continually overlooked.

I’m going to be prepared this year.

For one thing it is almost impossible to find your friends if you try to meet inside the park. On the peak days some parks are as crowded as Disneyland. There will be literally dozens of people on their cellphones walking around trying to meet up with their group. What do you say to figure where you are in a park with no landmarks to reference from?

Raising my hand. Surely no one else has thought of this!

“I’m under the really big pink tree.”

“To my left there are some guys drinking beer.”

“40 meters away there was some trash bins.”

It’s pretty futile to try to describe the area where you are to anyone. My best advice is to wander around until you randomly find your friends. If you can’t find your friends, join a group that is already drinking and make them your friends. It is probably easier that way.

It gets pretty ridiculous as people get desperate to find each other. There are just that many people in the park.  If it is really crowded people will start waving hands and jumping up and down, but even then there are at least 10 other people doing the same thing to get the attention of their friends.

Another thing that happens quite often is that someone will bring wine. A moderate vintage perhaps? How thoughtful… until you realize the bottle has a cork and no one brought a cork screw. Not so thoughtful.

This is a good example of a first world problem.

At this point you will have to access your inner Macgyver. With a small selection of ordinary items, you must figure out how to open the bottle and save the liquid inside. Are you up for this challenge?

Of course you can ask around to see if another group brought an opener, but the odds might not be in your favor. Most people just bring cans of alcohol, so a corkscrew is not exactly something that people will have on them. Your best chance is to look around to see if anyone else is drinking wine, but there is also a chance that their wine had a screw-off cap. That wine might be trapped in the bottle forever at this rate.

After drinking for a while you will eventually have to go to the bathroom. Those 3-4 beers you sucked down? Well guess what…you have to go. NOW.

You walk towards the public bathrooms and see a long line. A very long line. This is going to take a while. Why weren’t you smart enough to go after the second beer? The women’s bathroom line is going to be at least 50 people long, so you will just have to play the dangerous game of holding it for 20 minutes. It’s a character building exercise.

I thought we weren’t going to treat each other badly anymore.

Beer, what have I ever done to you?

I think what makes hanami different from any other picnic or BBQ in Japan is the fact that it is so crowded, it takes an incredible amount of effort to enjoy it. It’s not for the faint of heart.